Ghetto Nerd

The nonverbal behavior that I project probably does not always reflect the image or message that I am intending to project. Actually, I can somewhat understand this initial reaction that people have when they first see me, and I would probably have a similar reaction if I was to bump into someone that displayed the same nonverbal clues. In addition to my dress style, which probably is considered pretty “gangsta” to a lot of people here in Southern California, I have a shaved head that is often covered by a baseball cap, as well as a goatee. I don’t smile or really make very much eye contact with strangers, and I am often told that that I have an angry or menacing look on my face. I inherited a slew footed walk that causes my feet to point outwards when I walk, or stand still for that matter. In addition to all of this, I am a pretty big guy, standing at about 6’3” and currently at about 240 pounds. These nonverbal clues and general “vibes” that I project are misleading in some ways, but are accurate in others. Some of my vibes reflect a “gangsta” to some, and this is true because I am “gangsta”, but I am not a threat to anyone whatsoever. After about five minutes into a conversation with me most people are usually surprised to find out that I am a really nice guy who is pretty damn articulate and well read (thank you very much). My oldest son (a 19 year old student here at AVC) teases me about this, and calls me “ghetto nerd” because of the conflict between my image and attitude to strangers and my actual personality and positive vibes that I project to those that I know.

The shaved head and goatee that I described above, in addition to an olive skin color (called “light skinned” in the African American community), often causes people to think that I am of Latino background. People will speak to me using the Spanish language, assuming that I will be able to understand. Law enforcement will approach me as an ese, and so will actually eses, and this has caused me to have some of the craziest situations that I can’t even really go into here in this blog. I am aware that this has actually worked to my benefit in some ways, and I can think of situations where I was able to “slide under the radar” as a Black person that was perceived as being of another race or background. I even had a job working for a white guy that was clearly racist against Blacks, but hired me for a position not suspecting that I was one. He made some extremely racist remarks, and I let him know that I did not appreciate that, and I was fired. Whatever the set of circumstances, many people are surprised to find that I am actually an African American. This makes me think: should a person’s phenotype, that may or may not give clues to their racial background, be considered to be a nonverbal clue in the same way that facial expressions or hand gestures are? Maybe this subject deserves its own blog entirely.

Quality Communication Between a Mother and Son

The relationship between my mother and I was very special, and this was due to the quality of communication that we shared. Even when we would disagree, we understood where the other stood emotionally and always were conscious of each other’s feelings, so one of us could never offend or disrespect the other. Even by the time I was an adult, and no longer lived with her and had started my own family, my mom would call me almost daily just to make sure I was okay. I would stop by or call to check on her just as often. We were mother and son, but we were also really good friends, and I could confide anything to her and I knew that my secrets were safe.

However, even though these occasions were few and far between, there were times where my mom and I didn’t seem to communicate so well at all. Our communication would seem to be at a low when it came to disputes that were somewhat generational in nature, and I would tune her out. For example, my mom would always tell me to be careful of the police, and if I had an occasion that involved any confrontation between me and them, that I should be careful to be respectful with my words and demeanor. Not so much that I should respect the job or role of law enforcement, or to respect their character necessarily… actually, I don’t think that she cared too much about that. Her warnings against “mouthing off” at them were simply an attempt to protect me, because our family had experienced police brutality first hand in the recent past, and she didn’t want this to happen to me. Her little brother (my dear uncle Benny) was severely beaten by the LAPD during the 1960’s on two occasions: once during the 1965 Watts Riots, and again in 1968. He never fully recovered from the fractured skull, subdural hematoma, and resulting brain surgery that he sustained during the 1968 occasion, and these injuries eventually played a part in his death in 1981. As a result, my mom was extremely paranoid about dealing with police, and by the time I was a teenager (during the 80’s) she would give me warnings almost every time I would leave the house about how my conduct should be if I was ever confronted by the LAPD or other law enforcement. I would mostly dismiss the warnings, and tell her that her paranoia was reflective of a time that was past: “Mama, stop stressing me out the police stuff, they don’t beat on us anymore, you are still living in the 60’s”, etc. I had to give her an apology in 1991 when Rodney King was severely beaten by the LAPD, and the tapes of this incident were all over the television for the world to see. This was a testament to the warnings that she had issued to me all along, and proved that she was right about the possibility that this could and is likely to happen to any of us if things did not go right. I’m happy that my mom was determined to maintain the quality of communication between us, even when I did not want to listen. It may have saved my life.

But is it practical?

Overall, it is a good thing to master more than one language. It can help a person to better understand their own thought processes, as well as those of others, since we not only speak, read, and write language, but we also think in language. This is an example of a higher level of education and becoming a well rounded scholar and professional. Knowing more than one language can be personally valuable in different ways, and personal reasons for wanting to learn a language other than your own can be intellectual, cultural, as well as sentimental. An individual may have a personal interest in a certain culture, or you just think Russian “sounds cool”, and you want to learn it. Or maybe you just want to challenge yourself with the difficult task of learning a certain language. As a genealogist, I would like to learn the now almost-extinct language of the Louisiana French Creoles, who are my grandmother’s ancestors. All of these are good personal reasons to learn languages other than your own.

With that said, colleges and universities should make studying a foreign language a requirement for graduation, but only for certain majors or career objectives where it will be used. The immense amount of time, money, effort, and resources that are required to become fluent in another language can be wasted if knowledge of that language cannot be put to some sort of practical use. Colleges should recognize this and not make foreign language mastery mandatory unless it has a practical use. The usefulness of the specific language to be studied should be aligned with a college’s requirements for completion of that program. For example, what practical purpose would it serve to learn to be fluent in, let’s say, Japanese or German, if you are pursuing a degree in Social Studies, and plan to use that degree in California or New York? The answer is, none; Japanese or German will virtually never be used in the line of such a career. However, fluency in Spanish can be highly useful as an American social worker almost anywhere in the United States, and it would be a smart move for students planning to enter that field to achieve some level of mastery of that language. Spanish is the second most used language in the United States, so college requirements for graduation or certification for a career in social work, or other careers that will require for a person to interact with people on that level, should include that specific language. Another practical reason for foreign language study to be a college requirement would be if you plan on working or studying abroad. In that case, having a good knowledge of that local language would be essential to success, and college requirements should reflect this. This is also true for other educational requirements, such as requiring for a student pursuing a degree and a career as a Registered Nurse to have to successfully complete certain Fine Arts courses that will never be used. Even though there may be intellectual, cultural, or sentimental values attached with being knowledgeable about different subjects, it may not be practical for every student, and college requirements should not have students or instructors wasting their time in any way.

Charged By Nature

Language that is charged or slanted is automatically used to communicate in any way. Almost all language is charged or slanted, to the point that “it is sometimes hard to distinguish between charged or uncharged expression”. It is hard to imagine making even the most simple of statements without including some kind of language that slants the statement one way or the other. Charged language is a usually necessary part of communication, especially when one is trying to educate or influence another. As a father of four teenagers, this is required language for me to be able to effectively guide them to adulthood. How could I explain to my kids the differences between what is right or wrong, or influence them in any way, and be taken as credible, without using some kind of emotion or verbiage that indicates a sense of urgency? How could politicians convince their potential constituents that they were the best candidate to vote for without slanting their speeches in their own favor, and away from their opponent’s? How could an advertisement for a product or service be used to influence a potential buyer that this product of some quality, and better than their competition’s? We will all deal with situations like these in our lives, and none of these would be possible without charging the language in some way.

In addition to spoken or written language, most other elements of communication are also usually charged, or automatically display some intentions of steering the point in one direction or another. Most forms of body language, including facial expressions and hand gestures, are unconscious actions that we perform when we communicate, and these expressions are almost always charged. The use of a special tone of voice when making a statement or asking a question will usually influence a person or group of listeners towards feeling a certain way, and hand motions We convey our emotions when we communicate with one another, and we express ourselves this way almost unconsciously.

Communication would be extremely boring without charged language, and as Birk and Birk put it, “life would be but half-life.” I would hate to live in a bland world where people walked around like androids and displayed no emotion when communicating. It would be like eating food with no flavor or seasoning, or even that had a scent. We have to depend on our emotions when we express ourselves through any form of art, which is a major part of human culture. A singer or musician charges their songs with emotion every time they perform or go into the studio, and this will always influence the listener. I would not be able to enjoy music in the way that I do if it didn’t have any charged emotion that influences it. Actually, the artist would have a hard time producing un-charged art to begin with.

One of the problems with charged language is that it can be used as a way to intentionally exert negative influence, or to spread false or dangerous propaganda. Reading between the lines, so to speak, is an essential part of being able to decode messages that we receive and process them according to what is best for us. Those who are not able to pick up on certain subtle messages within other messages may end up getting the wrong picture, or may be led in the wrong direction. So, while we enjoy charged communication, we have to be aware of it's potential downside.